Many pressures contribute to making the decision to terminate. Family, relationships, or society, financial, and health are some of the influencing factors as is the relationship we have with ourselves: how well we know ourselves, how confident we are, our level of coping skills, and the support system around us. 

From that day forward, life is never the same.

'Termination Trauma' as it is now known means many women live feeling numb and disconnected from their bodies. The body is no longer a safe place for them as it holds all the repressed trauma. Beliefs created from the experience become trapped in the subconscious influencing unhealthy thoughts and behaviours without awareness. That's not good, you feel bad but don't know what you are dealing with. 

Here are some ways women have punished themselves: 

Unsafe sex and ignoring sexual health needs, drug addictions, homelessness, unresolved panic attacks, phobias, nightmares, alcohol dependency, job hopping, relationship conflict or many relationships, infertility, constantly moving towns from fear others will see into them and discover their secret, financially impoverished, unable to feel love for current or subsequent children, unexplained health issues, stress, anxiety and depression, unexplained unhappiness, very low self-esteem, withdrawal, walking in circles getting nowhere despite being capable, denial anything is wrong. 

Pregnancy loss is hidden and complex. There is nothing to prove this experience ever existed, which makes it hard to grieve or be acknowledged as parents or to express their love for their unborn child.    

Raising awareness of unresolved loss and termination guilt, grief and shame indicators is a big part of my mission. 

Many women have signed with relief when they come to understand that their unexplained health issues, or addiction, numbness, panic attacks, financial state and unhealthy behaviours began after the decision to terminate. When you know what you are dealing with, you can deal with it.

When I began looking for support, all I found was services offered by religious organizations. A woman living with termination guilt rarely shows up to God. Eventually, as I grew courage to dive into my own healing, I felt the hand of God rocking me gently affirming that I had been forgiven at the moment of my transgression, that I was my own worst punisher, and that God does not condemn. 

I learnt that the reasons for my decision to terminate were not what I thought they were, and that so many other factors contributed. 

I realized how unequipped I was to cope with the enormity of termination fallout. 

I realized that even someone committed for consciously killing someone is out of jail after a number of years. My punishment was ongoing many, many, many years after the event. There was not a thing I could do to release myself from my guilt, that came from higher power. This is when I began to experience a relationship with God, that is religiously unaffiliated.  

Medicine Woman Dreaming has been written and inspired from this higher power through dreams and is now delivered through a Membership teaching people to become their won therapist through healing art and creative intervention. I feel privileged to offer a process that got me through this loss and womb twin loss and returned to me what I now call: my Divine identity.

If you need to build resilience and courage to face this healing journey and learn to love yourself and get your life back on track, the Medicine Woman Dreaming program is the lifestyle you may want to consider. It will be my honour to walk alongside you.

More information and the link to join is on the Medicine Woman Dreaming Icon on homepage.